For everyone inquiring: I am single. I go on dates occasionally and kick it with people but as of this very moment I am single. I am interested in a relationship, just not the pre-requisite to the relationship: dating. Dating sucks. Maybe its because I feel like I’m old… or maybe its because I’m at that weird time in my life where I (like many of my peers) am having a Quarter Life Crisis. I’m over this adulting shit with responsibilities and liabilities but I don’t really want to go back to being solely dependent on someone… and this young adult struggle and grinding stage… I’m over it…. But wouldn’t it be great to have someone to go through all this shit with? Someone who would have your back and can grow with you? Trying to find that one person is the ULTIMATE struggle (even more so when you have to RE-ENTER the dating pool after being monogamous) We all may have reasons why but here’s a few reasons off the top of my head.
Reasons why dating sucks:
- Social Media Was Meant For More Transparency But Has Instead Become A Mirror You Talk To People Through.
Elaboration: You know the huge mirrors you see in stores and people’s homes and you just have to stop and take a selfie in? And how you check yourself and think about how people should perceive you (i.e. damn I look good… ooo that boy fresh… etc.). That’s the same with our social media feeds. Our feeds are made of stuff WE like. We CHOOSE to follow and friend people and organizations because we like them for ourselves. from the social media world we create, we look for validation through social media more than anything… More than promoting our businesses, favorite music, and funny scenarios we happen to catch on video. Validation. You like what you see looking in the mirror, so much so that you start talking to it…and then talking to someone through it and you like what you’re hearing too (DM convos)… But you don’t see the real person until after you get off social media. The mirror is gone. Enter in CATFISHING. It is so easy to be something or someone you’re not on social media. Unfortunately, that’s like the worst thing for dating and building a legitimate sustainable relationship. Its okay in moderation.
- Its awkward
-I hate meeting new people. Not because I’m on that “no new friends” shit either. I don’t like meeting new people because I hate small talk. I feel like its not genuine and its awkward for me… and personally, if I don’t ask, I honestly don’t care to know at that time. That’s sweet, that you volunteer at nursing homes and you love your 2 kids between 2 women and you’ve been hired, fired, hired, fired, hired, and fired again at Harry Buffalo… interesting, But I didn’t ask. So there can be a lot of quiet and awkward silences from my end.
Let me also add this while I’m here: Compliments are nice. “You’re beautiful”, “You have a nice smile”, “I like how you carry yourself”. Pouring out your heart and how you have been wanting to get with me (or anyone) is not a compliment. Its creepy. Creepy as fuck. So SAVE IT. Give it some time before you really express what’s in your heart. At the most basic level, protect it.
- Everyone has ADD all of the sudden
-No shade to anyone who actually has been diagnosed with ADD as a youth or an adult. I think I have a touch of it myself. But when dating around, it seems to be way too easy for people to get distracted or to become uninterested quickly. Like a dog who stops chewing on a bone to look for the moving reflection on the wall from his owner’s phone. As soon as you see something that looks more appetizing or you get bored with your latest toy, its time to get a new one. I’m guilty of doing this too… and I’m still going to say, it sucks. (I’ve probably missed a lot of opportunities because I lost interest in a guy and just stopped talking to them)
- So many Liars
-Yea there’s people that lie… we all do it; white lies, grey lies, big lies, small lies. It happens. And sometimes it may even be necessary (I’ll post about this later). But the liars I am specifically referring to are the ones lying to themselves and transfer it to you. People lie to themselves about what they really want all the time. “yea I want to come workout with you” knowing you hate working out and just want to get out the house; “oh there’s no liquor? That’s ok, I’ll take a pepsi” knowing you’re pissed because you wanted a shot of Patron after a long day of work; Or my favorite: “I just wanna see where things go with us” when you really mean “I don’t want to go anywhere with you, I just wanna fuck… possibly on a regular basis” or you mean “I really want to be in a fully committed relationship but I’m scared forreal”. No one wants to admit to themselves or anyone else about what they really want because it means that at the most basic level, you’re not as cool as you thought you were or you are too scared to face being rejected of what you really want.
- Relationships look AMAZING online
-Seems like everyone is getting engaged and getting married… maybe because they are or maybe because they frontin.. either way, it makes the relationships look simultaneously appetizing and enraging. “They look so happy together”, “their love is beautiful”, and smiling at the selfie pictures of kisses from our favorite couples turning into “why can’t I find somebody?”, “I wish I had a girl to spend time with” and trolling social media for your favorite IG Honeys (Guys can be IG honeys too) salty because you’re going to sleep alone. They make it look so good. But that genuine happiness comes from working hard in the relationship… the type of work you put in at your 40-hr a week daytime job (but don’t want to contribute anything else because you’re too tired… wrong mentality but this is reality). BTW single people as well as people n relationships need to be weary of the advice they receive from people on the other side of the spectrum… because you are limited in what you can say to someone who has been in a relationship for 5 years when you haven’t been in any relationship for the past 5 years and your longest relationship is 12 months… not saying don’t take advice from single people if you’re in a relationship but take it with a grain of salt.
- People suck at communicating with each other.
-My degree is in communication and I still can admit I suck at it.. the difference is, I know I suck at it and I know exactly why (and of course I know how to be awesome at it). There are few people in my phone I immediately reply to and they aren’t even family. Very very few. That reason alone qualifies me to suck at communicating. Sometimes I just take my time… or I forget.. or I have to put my phone down for a period of time… whatever the case is, I don’t be pressed. I don’t even have a voicemail set up, on purpose. This usually results in whoever I’m talking to at the time either talking shit about why I suck or the situation just dissolves… either way, still not pressed.
- Everyone is so career driven (aka chasing the bag)
-This is cool and all but at some point your loneliness will catch up to you. You’ll enjoy the fruits of your labors alone… because you didn’t trust anyone enough to build with them. Or maybe you didn’t need a partner to build with… there’s still so many beautiful things to experience on this earth and to do it with someone who is at least worth your time would enhance the experience even more. What sucks even more about this is when you both have poppin’ ass careers but still don’t clique past a certain level and/or your careers have you moving in different directions.
- The Past
-Regardless of how great of terms you and all your ex’s ended on, when dating, you are fishing for something familiar… but when you find something familiar you get flashbacks to relationships pasts… this is baggage. We all have it. We all carry it with us. Its about how we manage to carry it. Think about carrying cardboard boxes, there’s no right or wrong way to carry them, but there certainly are easier ways compared to others, feel me? Our past experiences jade our perspective on the current situation we are in. Its natural. We just have to be able to manage it effectively so we can be open to the people who meet us to bless us (dating or not dating).
-Kids make dating hard. They are the # 1 obligation. But if you don’t have kids and you are dating someone who does have kids, be ready to accept being on the back burner in the beginning. And from the other foot, if you have a kid and have to question if your partner likes kids at all, you probably shouldn’t be dating that person.
- Its nobody’s business and everyone’s business ALL AT THE SAME DAMN TIME
-Look, Its really no one else’s business who you jump into the sack with or who flies you out for extravagant trips to the Caribbean. That is YOUR prerogative. However, we do tend to want to share good things that happen to us with the people we love (hence why yo mama and grandmamma think they’re dating and in the relationship with you…because you talk too much). Even if you do keep your sex-capades and serial dating stories confined to the four wall of your mama’s basement, you forgot about your friends (and haters and spectators) in the streets who are un-seemingly checkin’ for yo ass. You may not be telling your business but somehow they will find out (or formulate, just depending on which side of the friend-hater spectrum they’re on). And when they do, shit typically hits the fan. The peanut gallery always tends to stir up some bullshit without actually being in the ring with the bull. For this reason alone, I don’t even like disclosing that I like someone; because not only is it a sign of the apocalypse but it is also some crazy person’s motivation to ruin my life (I know it sounds crazy and like I’m paranoid but this has been happening to me FOR YEARS across several relationships… so I know what I’m talking about from first-hand experience).
- It looks so easy
-Dating does look easy. It LOOKS easy in stories, magazines, on TV, and movies and on your social media feeds. Hell, The bachelor makes dating look easy and they’re in a damn competition! In the real world, you not even goin that hard lol so why isn’t it easier than the bachelor? Because (As I stated before), Its work! Work that no one wants to put in. You’re just supposed to exchange numbers, have a conversation, go on a date, have sex, now yall in love and livin happily ever after. That shit does not happen. If It seems too good to be true, IT IS. And you need to run away. Fast. NOW.
12. These niggas are for EVERYBODY (the hoes too)
-Look. I’m not sure about what city you may be from but I’m Cleveland, Ohio, where it takes about an hour to drive from the furthest point east (mentor) to the furthest point west (avon/ lexington), or from the most northern point (Lake Erie) to the most southern point (cuyahoga falls) and everyone within that range (approx. 400k people) knows each other… in some form or fashion… everyone is connected. And if you are FROM Cleveland, dont you dare try to deny it. But 400,000 people seems like a descent sized dating pool right? In theory yes. But in reality, hell. no. Your body count may be at 3 but 1 of those 3 has had sex with 300. Guys trade girls like girls share guys. Guys cheat and/ or sleep around as girls cheat and/or sleep around. I’m not saying its right or wrong, I’m just saying what it is. And if you’ve managed to keep your tenders sacred and barely touched, the reality still doesn’t change that: THE PUSSY AND THE DICK OUT HERE IS FOR EVERYBODY simply because people sleep around. When you stop (and your partner does too), you can actually move towards relationship goals.
Of course This list can go on… So GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR REASONS WHY DATING SUCKS! Like, Comment, Subscribe, Follow! 🙂